We Can't Be Friends...

Famous last words-

Have you ever had a friend of the opposite sex-let me rephrase that, a platonic friend of the opposite sex-tell you they can't be your friend after getting into a new relationship?

I've got to say I've heard it before, and fear hearing it again. I have quite a few close friends that are male, and I cherish my friendships very much however the reality is, women are just too insecure to allow and/or accept the fact that their man has other great females in his life, that in most cases predate their relationship.

So what's a man to do?

Scenario #1-close friend, we were cool for probably about 2 years, he gets in a relationship, the girl can't STAND me, ((though she's never met me)) and he says "she doesn't like me talking to you, so if you're gonna call, just call my work phone, cause she checks my bills, and only call @ x, y, z times" so my response is "whoa wait a minute there pal-I'm not gonna be your friend on the down low, no R. Kelly shit up in here. Either we're cool all the time, or no time, that's your decision to make, but I'm not taking the back burner to any girl that you're dating"

He chose her. That was a year ago.

Scenario #2- ex boyfriend, current close friend. No we haven't been intimate in 4 years, matter of fact, we haven't even seen each other since we broke up. I still talk to him on a daily basis, and I love and respect him very much. The thought of not having his friendship is a painful one. Insert new current gf-facebook wall posts, and picture comments deleted, phone calls ignored when she's around. *sigh* We talked about it, and he's said "I would never let any girl tell me who I can be friends with." But isn't this the same thing? Or atleast the beginning of it. I can see this ending badly, but there's nothing I can do about it.

I have no interest in being in a friendship of one sided convenience. I would never do that to someone, nor do I appreciate someone thinking they could do it to me. I've heard the defense "Well if he's gonna be with that woman for the rest of his life, your friendship is a minimal sacrifice" That very well may be the unfortunate reality, but that doesn't make it easier to accept. Nor does the fact that she's usually NOT the wife, but more the flavour of the week or month.

It's fucked up-isn't it? To end a friendship for a new partner...I think so anyway, any man I date is gonna have to accept the fact that I have great friends both male and female and they come with the package. Now, in all honesty, maybe that's why I've been single for 3 1/2 years, because I refuse to have someone dictate my life; but if that's the going rate of a relationship, it's just too expensive for me.

Independent-do you know what that means?

independent: not dependent, not subject to control by others, not affiliated with a larger controlling unit, not requiring or relying on something else, not contigent, not looking to others for ones opinions or guidance in conduct.

That being said-what really makes an independent woman?

Is it a woman who has been through it all and is still standing?

Is it a woman who makes her own money-and got her own?

Is it a woman who "doesn't need no man"?

Is anyone ever truly independent?

I don't think so.

And why would they want to be?

Don't get me wrong-I'm the first to say I been through shit, haven't we all though? I've dealt with a little more than the average life share, and I'm still standing. I work, make my own money and pay my own bills. I take pride in knowing that at the end of the day I get it done.

But-at the end of that same day-I need to cool off on the phone with my best friend, I need a hug and kiss from my daughter, and I would like companionship of a man.

However- you will never hear me say I don't need a man, maybe I don't want a man, but those are two very different statements. Right now in my life, I am happy being single, but that's more because I'm happy with the way things are in my life, and I feel complete, I'm not seeking someone to complete me-rather compliment me.

After all-isn't the whole idea of a relationship based on an element of dependence?

What person wants to be in a relationship where they don't feel needed?

And I'm not talking about the "if you leave me I'll kill myself" or "If I can't have you noone will" type of need-but I'm talking about a man liking his woman to make him feel like the man, or a woman liking her man to make her feel like she's the best one on earth.

And what's the harm in letting someone know they're needed? It's a clear validation why you're with the person-and sometimes that validation is the only thing lacking in a relationship.

I think the idea of the independent woman has taken on a whole new meaning-what was originally financially stable, and successful has now morphed (kinda like when the big girls took over the term "thick"). Now you've got miserable, men hating, jaded women talkin 'bout "I don't need no man-I'm an independent woman!"

I'll tell ya what girlfriend, with that attitude you wont get "no man" either.

What happened to chivalry? I don't mind my man being a man-open my door, pull out my chair, take a little bit of control. Hell, some women are so offended by any gesture a man makes-they gave up the notion all together!

Is it possible that the independent woman has taken out the chivalrous man?

What a great dad?!

I'm a single mother.

Well-kind of. I'm a mother and I'm single. But I'm not doing it alone.
My daughters father is very much in her life. Sees her everyday, and has her pretty much every weekend. We're good friends but not in a relationship.

He is everything I could want in a dad for my child. I don't know how I could ever manage to work and take care of my child alone, my demanding work schedule would be a constant sacrifice. I wouldn't be able to work, because often times I'm working much past the deadline to pick my daughter up from daycare.

He's a great dad, and I'll never deny that. However, when did being a great dad become such a rariety?

Let me explain.

Whenever someone asks where my daughter is, my response is "With her dad"

Logically, because otherwise she would be @ school or with me.

When they find out that he's in her life he's a "great guy" I'm "really lucky" and that's "good to hear!"

It's like a fuckin celebration in this bitch, and I'm like-wait "isn't that what he's SUPPOSED to be doing?"

I mean when did society become so accepting of deadbeats? At what point did doing what you're supposed to do become outstanding? And who sent out the bulletin that men are all deadbeats and we can't expect shit from em.

I don't expect anything less from my childs FATHER! I did not make her alone, and I will not raise her alone. I do appreciate what he does for me, because he doesn't HAVE to-but I don't think it's the best damn thing since sliced bread-let's keep thing's in perspective.

I don't think I'm "lucky". As a matter of fact, I don't think luck has anything to do with it. I chose who I would lay down and make a child with-I made a decision when I found out I was pregnant to have a child, knowing that I was making the best decision for myself, for him, and for our unborn child.

If you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas ladies-

Not to mention-where the fuck is a womans kudos?

At no point does someone say-o you work full time, put yourself through school, take care of your child, and pay your own bills? THATS AMAZING!

Hell nah-they EXPECT me to do that shit. So what's the difference with a man?

Did anyone ever think if we stopped expecting a man to fail, he might stop failing?

If you are anticipating disappointment-why the hell should someone prove you wrong?


Just something to marinade till next time.

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Allow me to introduce myself-Fyah!
Welcome to my blog.

This will primarily be used to voice my objections, opinions, and observations about the world around me. I am judgemental, can be harsh, and will not mince words.

At times I may offend you, I welcome you to respond. I'm always up for a debate.

Sometimes I will post with logic, sometimes with emotion.

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